"500 Ways to Just Be Yourself!"

While waiting for my doctor's appointment this morning, I picked up the Entertainment Weekly to catch up on JJ Abrams and his upcoming Star Trek/Star Wars enterprises. But as I reached for the magazine, another caught my eye. It sported a spunky Anne Hathaway on the Cover... it was the January 2013 Glamour. Anne was looking animated in a tiny pair of boy shorts and an even smaller top that said "One Billion Rising" on it. What really got my attention was the large yellow lettering across the cover reading, "500 Ways to Just Be Yourself."

That struck me as ironic... aren't fashion magazines supposed to get us to be someone else? Or to at least to wish that we were? Everything from the advertising to the articles and layouts practically screams "You are not enough as yourself!" IMHO, Glamour and Cosmo and other "women's magazines" present an almost unobtainable image as a standard -- flawless skin, professional make-up (and air-brushing!), the latest clothes, the slimmest figure. In what world could a fashion magazine give me 500 ways for me to just be me?

I didn't read the article, to be fair, as I was more interested in reading EW. But my mind started down a path of questioning... Is there a list of things that I could do to be more myself? Maybe when I was a teenager I could have used that list. That is what adolescence is all about, right? Thankfully, I am over 35 and I have come to terms with who I am -- good, bad, ugly, etc.. If I could go back and talk to my teen self maybe I could tell her that who she is at that moment is enough and she is beautiful. (Let's not even consider what that might do to the space-time continuum. It's way too scary.) But I cannot go back. And I do not need their list. I decided instead to list a few ways I manifest my "me-ness" in this blog. Do any of these things resonate with you?

• I usually do not wear make-up. I do wear it for job interviews, planned family photos, special events if it is warranted. I did not wear make-up to go see Anthony Bourdain on his speaking tour, for example. That was a very special event. But I had to work that day beforehand and make-up for work seems silly to me. Working with teenagers who have behavior issues and severe trauma histories is not easier with make-up on. They don't care if I look flawless. They just want me to listen. That, and to let them make phone calls. I do not wear it because 1) it takes time, 2) it is not cheap, and 3) I want to look alive when I do not have it on and not flat and pasty.
• I buy clothes because they fit me and/or minimize bulges. I do not care what the latest fashion is at the moment. If I find something fashionable cute (which I rarely do), I buy it because I enjoy it. And I detest the low-waists that are in-style these days. Now skinny girls have muffin tops because of these horrible waistlines. Some people even have muffin butts. I prefer to have my pants on my natural waist.
• I am working hard this year on taking care of me. Remember, that to take care of others, you must first take care of yourself. I am trying to eat more veggies, drink more water, move more... I lift my baby over my head like a medicine ball and lower her almost to the floor. She thinks it is a fun game, but really it is weight-lifting. I do these things not so I can be that ideal person in the fashion mag. I am doing them because I want to live and live well. I want to be healthy and be here for my daughter. Maybe even stick around into my 90's like my grandma and play with my great grandbabies.
• I watch things I like, and I read what I want to read. I have not read the Hunger Games. Yet. It is on the long list. My favorite book is still Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I am geeky enough to enjoy many kinds of sci-fi and fantasy entertainments. But, yes, I have only seen maybe 15 episodes of Buffy. And I am okay with that. I do not feel that diminishes my geek cred. Maybe someday I will watch the rest of it, but if I don't my life will probably still be rich and full.
• I have dreams. I used to dream of being a therapist. Done. I never thought I would get to be a mom. Thankfully, I am now -- a lifelong dream fulfilled. Now I am working on new ones... moving to Hawaii is not a dream, btw, it is an eventuality!

I searched for the cover of the mag to illustrate this blog. All I could find was an altered cover. The title has been changed to 500 Personal Style tips... perhaps the editors sent that copy to my doc before they realized how absurd it was for any article to tell someone how to be themselves. If you want to be more you, trust yourself. Try new things and repeat the ones you like. Re-try old things you have rejected just in case. And set your own standards for who you want to be. No one else can decide for you. End of rant.

What I learned today

Just some thoughts and observations from my semi-annual activity I like to call "Cleaning Out My Car." Trash tends to pile up rather quickly in my car, most of it recyclable, and the pile up had reached the tipping point today. So, when I pulled in the driveway, I purposefully positioned Zippy (my 2005 Hyundai Accent) next to the recycle bin and got to work. Here are a few things I discovered:

1) 16 cents in change: a penny, a dime, and a nickel.... of which the penny and dime have been claimed by my significant other. I would like to refute this claim because I found the penny under the driver-side mat, but he would probably retort that I am always asking him to drive so I can sit in the back with our baby and pretend I am Miss Daisy.

2) With gas costs as high as they are, the tonage of items removed may lead to better gas mileage!

3) A forgotten ceramic coffee mug with lid was under the passenger seat. Thankfully empty. That is a bonus, as I am always looking for a to-go cup in the morning. I also found a reusable water bottle which will come in handy as the summer heat in Texas begins. (i.e. last week)

4) I actually did have an umbrella in there the last time it rained and used a wal-mart sack to cover my hair as I dashed from car to safe haven. Next time, I will have it at the ready!

and

5) We (I am including my sweet baboo only and not the bambina) chew way too much gum! As I said this was a semi-annual clean-up (which I do once a year whether or not it is needed) and there were many empty packages I dissassembled to recycle. With all that whitening gum, you'd think Jason and I would have Hollywood smiles.

I do not, dear reader, want you to think that we are slobs or put our child in a trashpile on our travels... the trash was nicely comtained to floorboard areas and up to (but not exceeding 4 inches) which is rather reasonable considering recyclables are so bulky.

I am hoping the clean feel of the car will lead to me tackling the other problem areas of clutter in my life. Particularly, I am in need of cleaning and organizing the hovel that is called my office at work. Somehow, I always finds some.... er... work to do.... But in the spirit of spring cleaning, I think I will try and devote a few hours next week to my office as I do semi-semi-annually (i.e. every 2 to 3 years, whether it needs it or not).

Thanks for reading. And I am still learning!

A Little About Me

My name is Melissa. I am (among many other things) a marriage and family therapist, a mom of a 6 month old darling daughter, a life partner to a man who makes me very happy, a woman approaching 40, a lover of movies and geek culture, and a creative person who loves to cook, craft, and scrapbook. My friends would say I am outgoing and I speak my mind. But the truth is, I try to filter my thoughts before I speak. I suppress the urge to share random thoughts that come to me suddenly or have been swirling around in my brain, developing like cotton candy. I told my partner Jason that I was considering blogging so I could have an creative outlet I can use even when I don't have access to my scrapbooking supplies. I see this blog as a place to both discuss things I find important and things that amuse me. I also view it as a tool to grow and reflect on my life. Maybe someone else will be helped by what they read or at least be entertained. Even if my writing is never read, it will help me to understand myself better and be a record of learning that someday I can share with my daughter.

A writer friend of mine from college gave me a compliment over a year ago that also led to this experiment. He told me that he liked my writing style and that I should think about becoming a writer. How he observed that from a facebook post is a mystery to me, but his words spoke to a need I felt be creative and to just write. It is pleasurable for me to write something that is not paperwork in the same way that reading for pleasure trumps reading a textbook for a required class I would rather not have to take. Welcome to my blog. And thank you for reading!